Thanks for joining me!

So often in life we are expected to be perfect…

‘Nice little girls don’t say things like that’

‘A young lady doesn’t dress like that’

‘A woman your age doesn’t behave like that’

And over time, I believed it…trying so hard to be what I ‘should’ be.  And I was a mess…because what I was trying so hard to be on the outside didn’t always match what I was feeling on the inside.  I was sick…and to be honest, I was finding it more and more difficult to keep what was going on inside, well, inside.

At 48, I kind of shook things up in my life and at 49, I upended it all…and now (at 52) I am in some ways the same me as before…and in some ways, very different.  I am much more likely to speak up and argue, if necessary.  I have learned that my feelings are mine, they aren’t right or wrong, and I am entitled to them.  I’ve learned that conflict isn’t bad and can often lead to tremendous growth.  I can be silly.  I still love deeply.  My heart is still on my sleeve.  I no longer hide my tears (crying in the shower is terribly lonely).

Those years getting from ‘there’ to ‘here’ were like a rollercoaster.  Tremendous highs and horrible lows.  People that I love and cherish were deeply hurt and confused by what was happening.  Relationships changed…and some were lost.  But through it all, I was grateful…for the people who loved me through it all, for those who stood by my side as I weathered the storms of change, and even for the storm itself because it has brought me to where I am today.

Which brings me to this blog…for those of you who ‘know’ me on Facebook, this is the evolution of my November posts…so many of you have encouraged me to write more…because there is so much to be thankful for throughout the year.

So, here I am…a grateful mess.