‘If you can’t say something nice, keep your big, fat mouth shut’.

Okay, so my grandmother wasn’t the most delicate when it came to reminding us to be considerate of others, but, I will grant that she got her point across…and there are times that I stop and find myself realizing that keeping my (big, fat) mouth shut really is the better course of action.

This post has been rattling around in my head for days.  It’s time to get it down on paper.

You can’t turn sideways without running into a viewpoint different than your own.

At work.

On the television.

On Facebook.

Driving down the street.

Everywhere.

And it just seems that the minute two different viewpoints are within vicinity of each other, it immediately escalates. Tempers flare.  Ears and minds close.

I’m right, you’re wrong.  End of discussion.

Bullshit.

When I was a kid, I remember thinking ‘God is God, right?’ (please cut me some slack, these are an 8 year old’s thoughts).  And if God is God, what was with all the different religions?  I came to the conclusion that if there was only one ‘right’ way to get to Heaven there would be only one religion…only one path, only one school of thought.  As I grew up, I would ask my friends of different faiths about their beliefs, their traditions.  I am eternally grateful to them for sharing because I have learned so much.

So, let’s talk politics…(because y’all knew that’s where this was headed anyway…)

I am sick and tired of both sides saying the other one is wrong and that they are the only ones that are right.  Guess what folks, neither of you are.  Whatever happened to discussion, with the occasional outcome of agreeing to disagree?  Whatever happened to maybe realizing that you don’t know everything and that there are people that you can learn from?  I have the capability to discuss a topic even if I am 100% of the opposite belief.  Just the other day, John and I were walking and a topic came up that we have incredibly different viewpoints on.  Did the discussion get heated?  Yes.  Did our voices get raised?  Yes.  Did we agree at the end of it, did either of us change the other’s mind?  Nope.  Guess what folks, we’re just fine.

I have seen multiple threads on Facebook get very heated (shocking, I know).  There are a lot of posts that I don’t necessarily agree with.  Yet I read them in the hopes of learning something.  A viewpoint different than my own.  As I read them though, I sometimes wonder about those involved in the discussion…are they even trying to engage in a civil discussion?

There’s a saying that literally changed my life.  ‘Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;  they listen with the intent to reply’.

Think about that for a minute…listen to understand.

I can’t tell you how many times that I have been in a discussion/argument and while the other person is talking, I’ve been formulating my response and missed what the other person said.  I was absolutely, positively positive that I was completely in the right and I was going to use every tool in my arsenal to prove it.  Looking back, that wasn’t fair to the other person.

There’s a song ‘One Tin Soldier’ that talks about a treasure on a mountain, buried deep beneath a stone and the people living in the valley below want it.  So, they send a message up the hill asking for it.  The people on the mountain respond by saying ‘with our brothers we will share.  All the secrets of our mountain, all the treasure buried there’.   And what do the valley people do?  Arm themselves and go on the attack and kill everyone on the mountain, ready to claim their treasure.

Wait a minute, did you catch what the mountain people answered when the valley people asked them for the treasure?  ‘With our brothers we will share’.  I’m thinking the valley people missed that, having already decided how they were going to respond.

Folks, as a people we are hurting…and we are lashing out at each other.  It seems like no one is listening to each other.  Everyone seems to want the last word and when the conversation doesn’t go along as we would like, with a click of a button we can delete the whole thing.  Would someone please tell me what that solves?  Nothing.  It solves nothing.  Just because I shove the dirty clothes in the closet and I can’t see it doesn’t make the mess go away.  It’s still there.  We are an intelligent, passionate people who are fortunate enough to live in a country where we have the freedom of speech, to speak our minds without fear of persecution.  So yes, speak your truth, stand up for what you believe in…but take the time to be still and listen, truly listen to what others have to say.  You just might learn something.

When I think about my Gma’s comment (‘If you can’t say something nice, keep your big, fat mouth shut’), it reminds me to not get my hackles raised and start defending my thoughts/actions right away.  I remind myself to listen, to truly try to hear what the other person is saying.  To not manipulate the conversation around to my way of thinking.  Newsflash…I’m not always right.

We have a lot to learn from each other, a lot to teach each other.  I think it’s time we start getting along and seeing the good…in short, be the change you want to see in the world.